and away we go.

i made this.

An Outrageously Ambitious List of Goals (Part I)

as i sat here on the couch (which has also served as my bed for the past week) this afternoon, i half listened to my boyfriend kevin, as he talked on the phone with a friend of ours.

"how's liz? she's...you know how when people get really old and you keep all the stuff they need really close to them so they're surrounded by all their shit? that's what she looks like. no, it's...cute."

i slapped down my US Weekly, suddenly no longer interested in What Bachelorette Ali Is Hiding and embarrassed at having chosen to read that when i am flanked by Meditation As Medicine, I Am Nujood: Age 10 And Divorced, and the Michel Thomas Method on Speaking French. upon breaking my foot, i was determined to see it as an opportunity to get it all done - to reinspire my curiosity in the world and to roll around in learning like a pig in shit.

so today, after reading about 30 online lists such as Photoshop Disasters, What White Celebrities Would Look Like As African Americans, and the 35 Coolest Toilets In The World, i got the feeling that i might just be spinning my wheels. so maybe it's time to utilize this recovery time. so, i have decided to make an (drumroll)

OUTRAGEOUSLY AMBITIOUS LIST OF GOALS!

1. learn French
2. read 1 book a week
3. memorize all my lines for To Kill A Mockingbird
4. make a ten-year plan
5. figure out what to do with my life after September 27
6. learn to sew/make my own clothes
7. meditate
8. yoga every day again (once my body will let me)
9. write a play

now that i write it out, that doesn't seem like OUTRAGEOUS. in fact, it doesn't even seem unreasonable. if i treat myself like i'm being home-schooled, it actually appears as though i could get all this done pretty easily by the time i'm healed. i mean the learning French thing, that we'll just have to try hard at and see how it goes, but still. and the play...well, it doesn't have to be a LONG play, and i could actually work on an adaptation i've had in my head for a couple years. one to two hours for everything else and i should be good. right?

Father and Daughter

AND NOW YOU KNOW THE MOVIE! : Magicke Edition

it can be difficult identifying the plotlines for hollywood films, even as you are watching them. with a few simple tricks, you can learn just what movie you're being sold, and the intricate twists and turns it may take! a quick study, and you too can KNOW THE MOVIE!




#1 - the serif font suggests a playful, Harry Potter-type lead character who "just wants to be a normal kid" in the san fernando valley, but realizes through coming-of-age that his destiny is to be a lightning-wielding hero of the ages. and he has to protect those mountains over there. he'll go through doubts in himself, personal ridicule from misunderstanding peers and parents, and probably have to make a choice between what he wants and what is important (i.e. cute blonde from popular film of last year).

#2 - this sans-serif, all caps title suggests destiny is not fucking around. also, the title is at the bottom, which suggests you should think that M. Night Shyamalan's involvement should somehow trump whatever the film's content will be. photo suggests this hero is asian, which means he will also have to overcome the fact hat he is smarter, faster, and better at martial arts thank the rest of the world, and will then realize it about his mentor, who might not be asian. but because his heritage is more exotic, he has a castle to protect, and not mountains, and because the stakes are higher there, we can whittle out the girl factor, since America isn't ready to see a romance about someone who is asian. the struggle with destiny will be with himself, and with the voiceover of his master mentor, who will die two-thirds through the movie. in 3D.

#3 - this font wants to appeal to the Mortal Kombat lover inside you to get you in the theatre, and then give you a super wedgie when you realize in the credits it's a disney movie. but to disney's credit, this poster works hardest of all. nicholas cage's hair extensions tell a story all their own. LOOK! he's a SORCERER. he's a little unkempt, ok? yes, that's his duster he used to wear in FFA in high school it STILL FITS. it means he has a PAST he clings to even though he guards it with cold, unfeeling disciplinary magic action towards his apprentice, who "just wants to be a normal kid" in new york city but realizes through coming-of-age that his destiny is to be a magic-light-ball-wielding hero of the ages. and he has to protect those skyscrapers over there. he'll go through doubts in himself, personal ridicule from misunderstanding peers and parents, and probably have to make a choice between what he wants and what is important (i.e. cute blonde from popular film of last year). and the dragon font means that at some point there will be an actual dragon at some point, probably in act III. it will be alluded to for a long time and show up UNEXPECTEDLY! probably released by a villian who was awakened by the apprentice's 18th birthday. but it'll go ok and nic cage will unlock the secrets of the apprentice's mysterious past and turn out to be his uncle who was actually secretly in love with the boy's mother, because being his father would be too obvious, and a brooding, unrequited love builds trust in our minds and nicely sets up the sequel.

and now you know the movie! in our next edition: what the "REDBOLDblackthin" title font does to your subconscious on the posters for slightly risque romantic comedies.

* triptych and ridicule courtesy of suzanne goldish.

things i don't understand (a working list)

-The Pina Colada Song
-people who flash peace signs with pursed lips in every photo.
-people who like cats.
-people who growl at their dogs as if they are speaking the same language.
-my boyfriend.*
-farmville.
-my emotional spectrum in any given half-hour.*
-twitter.
-Don't You Want Me
-baby powder.
-reggae music.
-how humans did this.


*i'm working on understanding these. they are not, i think, unrelated.

from the bottom of my broken foot

we area half an hour into learning the second half of the ladies' entrance dance for Love's Labors Lost. i have been on cloud nine for weeks, having gone through a Shakespeare intensive and been cast in this production by Shakespeare Santa Monica, whose company members produced Pericles Redux at the Kirk Douglas earlier this year, quite possibly the greatest theatrical endeavor i have seen in the last 7 years. i am thrilled to be able to cross Rosaline off my "Shakespearean Dream Roles" list and am pretty psyched at how quickly i'm picking up all the movement pieces. we pair off to come up with a couple of new 8 counts, and i immediately run to Anna, who is a former ballerina, convinced we can come up with something stupid awesome and show everyone up. i was half right.

anna executed a beautiful chanee turn into a stag leap. when anna does it (and when i do it in my mind), a stag leap looks like this:


looks pretty advanced, right? yeah.

i made an offhanded joke about my lack of skill, but attempted it anyway from a standing position, and while it was more like a fawn-walking-for-the-first-time-jump as opposed to a stag leap, it was ok enough for us agree to add it in and put it in the combination. so we chianeed accross the floor into the leap, and upon my landing, there was a roll onto the outside of my right foot. and then...i heard a pop.

i have never broken a bone before, and i am sure as i sit on he rehearsal studio floor this is still the case. i'm not in a lot of pain, but i certainly can't put any weight on it. so i sit for awhile, thinking that maybe it will go away, right? a few cast members come up to me, and the dancers, i notice, all have the same expression on their faces. a kind of, "i don't want to worry you, but..." kind of thing. so i start calling my boyfriend, getting a little panicked. unfortunately for me, it's 10:30am and he won't be awake for another 2 hours. so after an hour of phone calls, i'm able to secure a ride home. by this point, my foot looks like this:

now i'm a little freaked out. even more so when the free clinic i've hobbled into is no longer taking walk-ins that day. so i have little choice but to go home and wait until the next day to try to get an appointment somewhere. after a trip to rite-aid, the boyfriend begins me on the ice bath treatment. having a lot of experience in sports related injuries, he brings me a tub of ice water and tells me to stick my foot in it. FOR 10 MINUTES. if this is something you haven't done, just try sticking your finger in a glass of ice water and leave it in as long as you can. now multiply that awful fucking pain by the number of minutes you THOUGHT you were going o be able to handle. it's awful. but what is worse, is that we must do it 3 or 4 times before wrapping my foot in an ace bandage and keeping it elevated to drain the blood and reduce the swelling. i sleep on the couch with my foot up on a stack of pillows. fuck this.

next day, after another failed clinic adventure, the boyfriend makes an appointment for an x-ray. and to spare you the hobbling details, this is what they give me:

broken. very, very broken. a complex fracture of the 5th metatarsal to be exact. complex because the bone is so displaced, that it has likely torn soft tissue in the foot. what does this mean? it means, friends, that i will likely have to undergo surgery to reset the bone, and will be in a cast for upwards of two months. i will be unable to work (i was waiting tables and in a theatrical performance on weekends that requires stairs and a heavy bag). so it looks like i'll be getting to those regular blog posts after all!

and hey, i did want a change of pace. i didn't anticipate the pace would slow to immobile, but hey. maybe i should have been more specific.

and who knows? i may have the greatest two months of my life. i've decided that my movie watching will have a crippled theme: Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?, Rear Window, An Affair to Remember, Misery, My Left Foot...i will draw inspiration from my hobbled people.



so stay tuned, as who the hell knows what will come out of this. and here's the view from here.