Unenjoyment

Amidst a job search, I find myself slipping into a mild, molasses-like state of depression. I look at my college education and my two and a half page resume and then find myself fighting dozens to help a 7th grade teacher grade papers for 5 hours on Thursday night. Just THIS Thursday, by the way. Craigslist is a strange beast, and while I wish there were a better way (suggstions are welcome), there is a bizarre satisfaction it delivers in the posts I know I won't be responding to. Especially since I'm particularly fond of grammatical errors (which are in boldface). Here we are:

Actress/Models needed
Reply to: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Date: 2008-01-31, 12:30PM PST

Feature film requires two girls (1 Blonde and 1 Brunette) MUST HAVE GREAT BODIES in that you will be doubling for the two lead actress's. They are star names, so your face will never be shown. PICK-UP shots include a light sex scene and then laying dead, along with a couple of walking shots. Upon our meeting you will be able to review stoyboards to know exactly what will be shot.

This shoots : Feb. 10th

Please attach photo and contact info with response.

* Compensation: $250.00 -$500.00 per day.

Wow. Getting naked, having simulated sex, your face is never shown, AND you get 250 bones? SIGN ME UP! I'm sure whatever the filmmakers lack in grade-school education they make up for in douche-baggery. Who are these "name" actresses? If they're so appealing, why keep their names a mystery? Also, I can recognize the argument that actress's [sic] calls back to the subject of BODIES, but come on. The correct grammar is still actresses'. Spell-check (and grammar check, I might add) is not only very accessible, but I think you'd be hard-pressed to find a computer that WON'T give you suggestions for words like "stoyboards" automatically. Also, learn to use an apostrophe, for GOD'S SAKE.

Here's a quick lesson:

You use an apostrophe if the subject is possessive.

EXAMPLE:

The CD's cover looked great!

You can also use an apostrophe if it is being used as a conjunction between "it" and "is".

EXAMPLE:

You can also use an apostrophe if it's being used as a conjunction between "it" and "is".

You do NOT use an apostrophe to make a singular word plural.*

EXAMPLE OF MISUSE (see if you can also spot the spelling error. it's tricky.):


EXAMPLE OF MISUSE:




Don't even get me fucking started on the misuse of "quotes". Uuuuugh.

*YES, I even have footnotes. An apostrophe is sometimes used in the case of plurals, but only to make a plural or singular subject ending in S possessive.

EXAMPLE of correct use of singular subject possessive apostrophe (when the singular subject ends in s):

Mr. Jones' epidermis was showing at the polo match.

EXAMPLE of correct use of a singular possessive apostrophe (when the subject does not end in s) and a non-conjunctive possessive without an apostrophe (its):

The monkey's banana was up its own ass.

EXAMPLE of correct use of plural possessive apostrophe:

The monkeys' bananas were up their own asses.

Google it.